Raquelletta, my dearest soul partna. It warms my being to hear that you are finding things in your space that are real and valuable for yourself. I can say that I am certainly facing myself in full these days as well, not always happy about it, often in pain and sadness, but often with a sense that it is important, that I am looking more closely at questions that I must look at, that I should not seek to have answered by my circumstance with another that I love instead of my awareness of myself. I find it hard to share because I long to share more fully so deeply still, but connect with you deeply in silence and meditation, have started asking my higher self to commune with yours for me, and still feel you in my future heartspace so deeply, whatever that means, that I know that the greatest measure of my love is my capacity to send energy to you and myself as we grow freely to sense ourselves.
I know our spirits are dancing, and i know they're each growing closer to our individual bodies, or vice versa, whether our bodies dance again or not. The only way I can honor my purest of intentions and desire for that, is not to Hope, but genuinely to trust that our spirits and selves will guide us to happiness, and I can only listen and appreciate the world they bring us.
The problem for me is that I read your letter and I try to respond and then I can't think about anything else all day, and it breaks me out of my presence. I appreciate everything you wrote, it's genuinely the most beautiful thing I've ever read, and I'm working to release and be able to receive it and just send love in return. I am burning fire still though Rachel, hearing your love for me burns my very being because in all sincerity I want you to be where you are, and I'm OK with where I am, but I can't be friends Rachel, because you're choosing this, and I'm not yet. I'm working with it, but where you write
I do wish you the world Rachel, I wish you red roses as washclothes and chocolate dew drops as breakfast lickings, the nourishment of magic berries that make everything sweet, high seas and calm shores, distant countries and fine smells, sensual touch and exulted dance, life flowing through every pore exstacy and calm, breath and fulfillment in silence, creative gratification the magic you spin with every moment of light that you bring and the ease of a thousand sweat dreams on down pillows. A lover to enclose you in his arms, and for you to wash with carresses. I do, from the bottom of my heart with you these things, and I still wish to be that man. So only from afar can I wish you these things, and hearing of your love is gut wrenching because it is not enough. IT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH, it is everything that is true, it is totally sincere and the most beautiful of all loves, but it doesn't reach my being... SO THIS MUST BE POSTED, and NOT SENT. I already sent back thorns to greet your kisses in my silly text. I MUST LEARN NOT TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU, FOR YOUR COMMUNICATIONS BREAK ME!!! You never gave me the password to your blog, and I haven't invited you to mine, you don't know of my gut wrenching pain daily, which I don't rub in your face, but you're keen to remind me that you're in pain.
ABOVE All however I'm appreciative that you're experiencing something healthy. That is what I want, that is what it's all bout after all. SO, all is good.
We live another day, to love!
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